Catfight!
by KlausBaudelaireTheBookworm
Summary: Fiona and Isadora get in a fight over you know who. One-shot. Story induced by lack of sleep and boredom.


**A/N: Evil author strikes again! Nah. I'm actually using a computer to type this instead of an iPhone and it's going so much faster so I decided to write something stupid. I was supposed to continue my island story but it's 3 am, I'm sleep-deprived and I can't fall asleep, and I'm bored trying to fall asleep. So this is what I got.**

**Let's get something straight! I hate Fiona! I can't stand her! It might be part of the sleep deprived part of me talking too. But don't complain, because Klaus and her will never, ever, ever get back together! Ugh, I just referenced Taylor Swift! I must really be tired.**

**I'm not Daniel Handler so that tells you something!  
**

**OH, YEAH! One more thing. In a few days I'll be a beta reader! YAYY! So if you need one I'm more than happy to help. Aaaand if you ever feel like RPing with twitter Klaus you'd make my day. :)  
**

* * *

Klaus stood on the beach with his sisters and Beatrice. They had just shipwrecked on the same beach that had been so significant their entire lives. They were standing there, not doing anything, when they heard a lot of people calling their names.

"Oh my god, Klaus!"

"Klaus!"

"Violet!"

"Hey, Vi!"

Klaus and Violet turned and saw some of their favorite people running towards them. Quigley and Duncan were running to Violet. Isadora and Fiona were running towards Klaus. Sunny was standing there, very dejected. Both Isadora and Fiona ran up to Klaus and smothered him in a huge hug. They then realized they were not only hugging Klaus, but also another person, and they glared at each other.

"It's so great to see you both!" said Klaus with a huge grin, not noticing the evil eyes the girls were giving each other.

"Oh, Isadora, I didn't realize you had such a _close_ relationship with Klaus," said Fiona.

"Yes, actually," said Isadora, "we were classmates for a long time and I saved his life once."

"Yeah, uh-huh," said Fiona, examining her nails like she couldn't care less.

"And I'm forever in your debt, Isadora," said Klaus sheepishly, looking between the two girls like something caught between a rock and a hard place.

"Izzy," corrected Isadora. "We know each other enough by now for you to call me that."

"Oh, did you just think of that now?" said Fiona, turning her nose up.

"Well, actually, he would have called me that sooner if my brother and I hadn't been kidnapped," said Isadora with an equally as haughty tone, "Not that you would know, seeing as you've been living a princess type life."

"Oh, I'm afraid you've got it all wrong!" exclaimed Fiona, batting her eyelashes innocently. "I haven't had much of a life at all... just a brother with hooks for hands who had disappeared, and I was terribly lonely! That is, until Klaus came onto the Queequeg..." Fiona drifted off, grinning at Klaus like a supermodel. Klaus chuckled weakly and glanced at Isadora, who was shooting daggers at the both of them with her eyes.

Isadora moved closer to Klaus, leaning on his shoulder while she said, "Life in class with Mrs. Bass was terribly uneventful until Klaus got put in class with me. It might have been the best thing that happened!" Fiona moved closer to Klaus too, clinging on his arm and giving him a big pouty face.

"I hope you forgive me for leaving you, Klaus. It was the worst decision I'd ever made! I hope you've been thinking of me when you eat nice foods after I _kissed you_ that time." Isadora gave a huge indignant gasp.

"Uhh...-" said Klaus awkwardly, until Isadora interrupted him.

"Well, Klaus, I hope you've been thinking of me and my couplets, because I've been writing lots of them about _us_," Isadora said, smiling like crazy. "Do you want to hear one? It goes: _We're the perfect two, __Klaus and Izzy. Just thinking about it makes me dizz_-"

Isadora was interrupted when Fiona shoved her away and shoved something else in Klaus' mouth.

"I made this for you!" she shouted, as Klaus attempted to chew this big pastry thing. "It's a peppermint tart!" Klaus' eyes widened and he started choking.

As Isadora starting giving Klaus the Heimlich, Isadora screamed at her, "You idiot!"

"What?!" Fiona complained, squeezing Klaus' stomach which she looked like she was enjoying quite a bit. "I just made him something to eat!"

"Klaus is allergic to peppermint!" cried Isadora, helping Fiona lay him down on the sand.

"How do _you_ know?!" Fiona accused.

"I...uh...wasn't stalking him, if that's what you think!" shouted Isadora. She changed the subject quickly. "Maybe he needs mouth to mouth!"

"I'll do it!" said Fiona.

"No way!" said Isadora. "You already got to kiss him once!"

"Hhhhey!" said Klaus, sitting up with only a swollen tongue, "I'm ohkay nowh!" He was ignored.

"So? He obviously likes me better! He fell in love with ME!" yelled Fiona.

"Yeah, but you're, like, way too old for him!"

"I haven't heard about you kissing him yet, honey!"

"Maybe not, but we've had plenty romantic moments!"

"I've had more!"

"At least I didn't almost kill him twice with mushrooms!"

"I have glasses and he loves my brains!"

"I write poetry with goes perfectly with his love of reading!"

"Hey, STHOP IT!" interrupted Klaus, embarrassed of all the things that were being said about him and upset that these two girls he cared about were fighting.

"Oh, shut up!" the two of them cried in unison. Klaus facepalmed and decided to ride it out, hoping he might be able to get a word in when they stop.

"Sparks flew when Klaus and I kissed!" cried Fiona.

"Well, he and I have shared silverware!" retorted Isadora.

"Ooooh, how romantic!" mocked Fiona. Isadora suddenly reached out and kissed Klaus smack on the lips. He blinked at her, stunned, but she had already turned back to Fiona to resume their catfight. Fiona was glaring at Isadora.

"Now we're equal!" announced Isadora triumphantly.

"Oh, you did NOT just do that," glared Fiona. She was seething and the steam coming out of her ears was almost visible. Fiona grabbed Klaus and tried to kiss him but Isadora pushed her off, the two of them tackling each other like football players.

"Plus, Klaudora is a _way cuter_ name for a couple than Kliona!" The two of them paused for a moment.

"You've got a point there," said Fiona. Seeing as they paused for a moment, Klaus decided to intervene and push them apart like that dude at a boxing match would.

"You guhys arehhh being rhidiculous!" he said. "Fighhting makes both ofh you less nice!" The girls sighed and looked up with him with puppy dog eyes.

"You're right! I'm sorry," said Isadora.

"Me too," said Fiona, "but which one of us will you pick?"

"Ohh, Ishadora, dehhfinitely," said Klaus, "She didn't break mhy hheart which is ohbviously very important since the authhor repeatedly mentions you breakhing my hheart, Fiona, in all ofh the last thwee boohks."

Fiona pouted while Isadora smiled and hugged Klaus affectionately. Just then Violet, Quigley, and Duncan came over. Quigley had his arm around Violet but he also had a black eye and half of his hair was neon green. Duncan was limping and he looked like he had lost a fight with a bear. He was sniffing and looking at Quigley and Violet jealously.

"Whhoa, what happened to you guhys?" asked Klaus?

Violet laughed. "You don't want to know."

"Hey," said Fiona randomly, "maybe since Isadora and Klaus are destined to be together and Quigley and Violet are destined to be together Duncan and I should hook up!"

"Oh, god, no," said Duncan.

Then Sunny gave a wide smile and the camera panned and zoomed into her mouth so it became a blackout, which was awkward to film for all parties involved.


End file.
